Not so eloquent today.

I’m having these super intense, really weird sensations on the medial side of my tibia.  On both legs.  It started out just on the right side, before I started running.  It’s not really painful, but it is getting so intense now that it is almost painful.  It’s like…the feeling there is super heightened.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  DR just tells me to ice my legs after running.  It definitely was happening prior to running, but it has definitely gotten worse since I started too.  Don’t worry…I’m not going to stop running!  No way!!!!  Icing isn’t helping, so I’m not sure what is going on.  I don’t think it’s shin splints….it isn’t pain, it isn’t in the muscle or the bone.  It seems to be more of a nerve thing, I think.  Just thought I’d write this all down.

Today I’m having a strange day.  Planning on running this evening, when it starts to finally cool down.  I hate these hot days.  I get frustrated, the kids can’t play outside for too long, and it just makes me mad.  Everything is stifled, even when I’m inside.  The humidity makes me feel like I can’t breathe, and you instantly start sweating when you go outside.  YUCK.

And I feel restless.  I am really feeling the desire to write today.  Not like blog write, but like…finish this book and get it published.  The closer I get to finishing, the more frightening it is.  Because I know how hard it is going to be to get someone to even read it…at least, someone that matters.  That can move it along.  At least I know it’s good.  I am very confidant in my ability to write.  And I have a few wonderful people in my life that are not only encouraging, but constructive in the process.

Too bad I’m so impatient.  Of course, I focus on this a lot lately…because I’m pretty sure God is showing me patience, and teaching me how to wait on Him.  Grrr.  Even though I feel like it’s working, and not as painful as it was in the beginning…ugh.  Mixing that with this heat makes me want to puke.  Or crawl in a hole and wait there until suddenly all of life’s questions have been answered.  Haha.  Yeah, I know…not an option.  But we all feel like that, sometimes, right?

Listening to a song that says: “God knows this heart of mine.  He feels the pain inside.”  [Empty, by Tait]

This song I usually instantly pass over.  It brings up some very painful memories, and makes me incredibly sad.  I put this song to the slideshow at my Gramma’s funeral.  And if you know me at all, you know that she was the most influential and important person in my life. The person I was the closest to.  But for some reason, I let it play.  And I don’t feel the crushing sadness as much, but instead, a hope.


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