What am I? Who is this person? I am a shell, fragile and flaky. The wind could blow me away, the rain could wash me clean from the earth. I grip my place here tenuously, as though I’m not sure I want to hang on or not. What is this place anyway? Is it where I am supposed to be? Is there such a thing?
The past two months have been…um…..let’s say stressful. But I don’t really get to say that. Or at least, act out in a fit of rage and throw things. I see clearly, then my vision clouds and I am left with my hands full of the ashes of my life. Each day blends into the next. I lose time, I lose myself, and I am broken. I stand in anticipation of something, wanting desperately for it to happen, but I don’t know what it is. Am I actually waiting on myself? Am I supposed to do something now? I. Just. Don’t. Know.
If only this were different, then things would be better. Or this one thing. Or this. Or a million tiny, minuscule pieces of my life. If only. But that takes me to a place where I am thinking backwards, and I want to move ahead. I don’t want to ponder or depress in this spot in the ground. The mud will surely over take me, slowly creeping up my body and sinking into my soul until my mouth and nose and eyes are shut to the world.
Today is a day where I just have to repeat Walt Disney’s favorite saying: “Keep Moving Forward. Keep Moving Forward. Keep. Moving. Forward.” That’s all I have today.