And Again He Speaks

I keep thinking about that red light, and I’m still just shaken from it.  God is awesome.  Also, it was slightly scary, ha.

So as I sat down last night to finish some photography business, God gave me one more song.  It was the nudge I needed to document my adventure last night, and share it.  Because God speaks, people.  He does.

Let me give you a little background for this last stuff…now that this is pretty much common knowledge.  We have been going through something pretty awesome, but because of it, we are so vulnerable and we feel attacked at the same time.  God has brought us to a place where He is so real to us, He is speaking to us and confirming things…I never knew He could be so real in my life.  And I will never go back to the way things were before.  It all started a little over a year ago.

While in church one day at Lincoln Berean, where we were just starting to get this spiritual revival going in our lives, Jon and I got wind of a meeting for anyone interested in being on a 5 year church plant team somewhere overseas.  We went to the meeting, we were the only ones there besides the couple leading it, and we really felt like God was telling us something.  That this could be a possibility.  Looking back, I can see how obvious it was that we were taking this step of faith and being obedient, and because of that we were made an object of worth.  Worthy to be attacked, that is.  It’s so easy to let little things get in the way, and that is exactly what we did.  We let finances, jobs, health, everything get in the way.  So much so that we even stopped going to church for almost three months.  The one place that fed us and really gave us what we needed each week, and we cut it out of our lives, making so many other trivial things more important.  We got wise, and we started going again.  Our weeks were SO much different when we started them with church.  We weren’t even involved much, weren’t doing a lot in our daily walks with God, but this was important.  God was speaking to us, even then.  And then, one day while we sat in our usual spot in church, God audibly told Jon to “go.”  {I wrote a whole post about that in June}  Jon wrote about it while in church, saying he was afraid of my reaction, but knew that this word was from God.  But at the same time that God was speaking to Jon, who was right next to me, he was moving in me as well.  And my heart was perfectly lined up with Jon’s.  We both deeply desire God’s will, and that is something we have been focused on for almost a year now.  It’s amazing what that focus can do in your life.  Life just looks differently.

Since then, we have just been living.  A lot of that time, I was struggling with feelings of depression, feeling worthless or like a failure.  Feelings not from God {eventually I figured out the correlation between having good days and spending time with God…}.  Jon has dealt with sickness, something strange that the doctors have never quite been able to figure out.  Something they thought was autoimmune, but he has had so many tests done and nothing was ever conclusive.  Those tests brought us to our knees.  We had so many medical bills already from all of E’s many health issues during his first year and a half of life, and now we had a bunch from Jon.  So we made the decision to move in to Jon’s parents’ house in Omaha.  To leave our life in Lincoln behind.  We had to give up a lot, and the only thing getting me through that was knowing without a doubt that this was what God wanted, and that it was the first step in that command, “GO.”

Being here, it hasn’t been bad at all.  We have struggled.  We are paying off medical bills left and right, and it leaves us with not much left.  So we struggle with our feelings mostly.  We try to make things happen a lot, make new jobs happen, make all kinds of things happen…I even get crazy sometimes and look for all kinds of ways to make money.  Then God stops us, saying, “I’ve got this.”  And we realize, oh whoops.  Sorry Lord. Yes I trust you.  I believe in your promises, I have faith.

So anyway, long long long story only sort of long, Jon has finally come to the place where he accepts that God has a calling for him, and that is to be a youth pastor.  We started looking around at yp jobs and realized that most churches either think of it much too much like a job and not a ministry, or their doctrines don’t line up with our beliefs, or one thing or another and on top of all that, we knew that we should be looking in Oregon.  That’s kind of a different long story, but basically God has put that state on our hearts for our entire marriage, and so we have just known for awhile that we would end up there at some point.  We thought that point was a long way off.

Then one day, I found this posting for a youth pastor position at a church plant in Gold Beach, Oregon.  As I read the ad, I just started bawling.  {I am seriously not a cryer, but lately all kinds of things have been making me bawl.  And it always has to do with God}  I kept saying to Jon, “This is it.  Oh crap, this is it.  I know this is it.”  The oh crap was because it is an unpaid ministry position, at first, and so the hows start to immediately pile up in your brain.  But we went to the church’s website, and we read every word, and couldn’t believe it.  The church is exactly what we want in a church.  The pastor and his wife are amazing.  The pastor’s wife is even a wedding photographer, which is so awesome.  So we sent them a letter, and they responded.  Saying they had hundreds of applicants, but we showed them our hearts, and they felt God was in this.  We have corresponded a bit now, and it is pretty clear to both sides that this is what God wants for the church and for our family.  We will visit soon to be sure, but I’d say we are 100% sure right now, and so the visit will just make us 120% sure.  Now we are in a time of waiting for provision, and maybe a time of testing as well.  Jon’s dad {both his parents have been so good to us, giving us words of wisdom and not letting their desire to keep us close influence our decision either way} told me that God always confirms things through His word.  And through people, but always through His word.  I realized that I wasn’t even asking for that.  So I have made a sort of self-pledge to meditate on God’s word every day, and document my prayers, both requests and blessings and my feelings, which fluctuate.  And every single day God has been confirming this, through the Bible, through other people, through the most random things.  And so this song was just another one of many of those things.

This song is amazing.  I have loved it since the first time I’ve heard it and I have listened to it many times since then.  But tonight, I read the lyrics, and I really got it.  I went to watch the video, and I just bawled.  Again.  God is so good.  So read it, really read the lyrics.  It’s hard for it not to speak to you.  Because who hasn’t felt like this?

Mikeschair “Let The Waters Rise”

Don’t know where to begin
Its like my world’s caving in
And I try but I can’t control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There’s a raging sea 
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to 
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
‘Cuz You’ll be next to me
You’re in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You’re never out of reach

God, You know where I’ve been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You’ll be faithful again
I’m holding Your hand

There’s a raging sea 
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to 
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I’m holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

There’s a raging sea 
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to 
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

Watch the video here.

And a little ps for ya….this video was filmed on the Oregon coast, which is just plain weird.  Because I had no idea, I was listening to Pandora on my phone when it played and went to watch the video on youtube because I don’t own the song.  The fact that the whole video is the band playing on the beach, and that’s it….God just keeps doing things like this.  The location is so close to where we are headed.  While I believe coincidences exist, I also believe that God gives us answers to the things we are seeking him about.  And I was definitely asking him for it.  The day I had was hard, one where my emotions were leaving me confused and mostly feeling blah about everything, and whenever I feel that way and bring it to God, he fixes it.  Every.  Single.  Time.  God is a God of love, one who cares, and wants to reach us.  He meets us where we are.  I feel the wind of that raging sea, that storm that wants to pull me in.  But God is with me, so let the waters rise.  We’ll see where it takes us.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s