God Speaks

{this is going to be a long post…I will cut it into two parts because of that.  So look for part two tomorrow folks}

Four things happened to me tonight.  Well, you know, ok, how to say it….here are four things God did to me tonight.  For me.  In me.  The lesson?  He always speaks.  Especially when I’m right on that line where a breeze could cause me to falter.

I went to the grocery store.  Basically, without overcomplicating things, I had $17 to spend on groceries for about a week.  I went in feeling pretty crappy.  I mean, we have been working so hard on eating healthy, and we just mismanaged our budget, which is super tight, and ended up eating really well for the first part of our budget month, and now we have a chicken and some bread.  I had to put back half of the bananas I got even to stay within that $17.  So I’m leaving the store just feeling like, okay…I have enough to feed my family for the next week, but how on earth am I supposed to do anything more than this, God?  How?  I felt like, oh I don’t know…a failure I guess.  But mostly, I was asking God how on earth we were going to get to where he wants us when we can barely feed our children.  Then I thought, well, that’s not up to me now is it.  We put all our trust in God.  We depend on Him to provide for us.  Yes we work, yes we have responsibilities.  But this time in our lives is all about trusting Him.  So I’m sitting there just so broken, feeling so much deep inside my soul, and this song comes on the radio.  It’s like, God was saying, “you are NOT who you used to be.  I have changed you, you don’t have to carry this around.  You don’t have to feel like you are right now.  You are free in me.  Don’t carry that around anymore.  Let it go.”  Talk about tears.  He has ALWAYS provided for us.  We have been in bad situations before, and some that we have gotten ourselves into because we made the stupidest of choices, and even then God always provided.

God speaks to me through music a lot.  And this isn’t a song I am that familiar with, Big Daddy Weave isn’t a big favorite of mine, but this song really is good.  The lyrics are fantastic.  And exactly what I needed to hear.

Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me “son
Stop fighting a fight it’s already been won”

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I’m not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I’m redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, “Child lift up your head”
I remember, oh God, You’re not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I’m not who I used to be

Because I don’t have to be the old man inside of me
‘Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I’ve got a new name, a new life, I’m not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, ’cause I’m not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe every stain, yeah, I’m not who I used to be
Oh, God, I’m not who I used to be
Jesus, I’m not who I used to be
‘Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

And God wasn’t done speaking to me.  This song was on next.  If you have spoken to me recently or read my most recent posts, you can probably tell that God is doing some things in our lives.  The biggest of which is preparing us to go somewhere for him.  More specifically, Jon is making the shift from working in healthcare at a job that he really loves to becoming a youth pastor.  Something that has been a long time coming, and is exactly what God created him to do.  The confirmation for this shift has been extraordinary.  God is showing us just a sliver of his power and awesomeness, and we can’t get enough.  So I listened to this song, one I’ve heard so many times, and the tears continued.  Because I really thought about the lyrics.  Before, I would have just sang along, but really…where You go…I mean, God is everywhere.  But he moves in us.  Where you stay, I’ll stay, when you move, I’ll move.  It has so much meaning for me now.

I Will Follow by Chris Tomlin

Where you go, I’ll go 
Where you stay, I’ll stay 
When you move, I’ll move 
I will follow… 

All your ways are good 
All your ways are sure 
I will trust in you alone 
Higher than my side 
High above my life 
I will trust in you alone 

Where you go, I’ll go 
Where you stay, I’ll stay 
When you move, I’ll move 
I will follow you 
Who you love, I’ll love 
How you serve I’ll serve 
If this life I lose, I will follow you 
I will follow you 

Light unto the world 
Light unto my life 
I will live for you alone 
You’re the one I seek 
Knowing I will find 
All I need in you alone, in you alone 

In you there’s life everlasting 
In you there’s freedom for my soul 
In you there joy, unending joy and I will follow

Right in the middle of this song, I was driving down a hill to go under an interstate bridge on my way home.  I was looking ahead, the light was green, and I was crying and thanking God and having this authentic and moving moment with God when I realized that there was another light right in front of me.  And it was red.  I slammed on my brakes and came to a studdering halt just before the intersection.  All of my groceries slammed into the back of my seat and settled on the floor.  I could hear random change flying around.  And the symbolism of that moment really struck me as I sat there, my heart pounding.  I was looking ahead, the light was green and it was saying GO GO GO but the light before it was red.  I had to wait, to stop and wait before I could get to the green light.  So here we sit, waiting, resting, trusting, and learning patience.  That horrible but good life lesson, patience.  It’s really not so bad, but it is hard knowing something is going to happen, but having to wait for something you aren’t sure of yet to happen in between.  All we know is that we have things to do to prepare, both in our lives, and in our hearts.  We are growing stronger in the Lord every day, and we have to continue with that, because our mission is not going to be easy, and if amazing things are going to happen for Jesus through us, we have to be focused on Him and taking steps of obedience every day.  So we are conscious of this time, knowing that we are to meditate and be still and know that He is God.  Renew ourselves every morning.  But God still wasn’t quite done speaking to me today.  I’ll finish the story tomorrow.  Because to finish, I have to go way back to last year and fill in some details.  So with that I say goodnight my friends.

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