I am sitting here, in my basement bedroom, surrounded by cold walls and cold air that is seeping in through the windows. My light is off, I’m all geared up to write today. I even have my bathrobe on, for added warmth.
But I look out the window, and I’m filled with a familiar restlessness. I want to go. I want to do. Why is He making me wait?
Rhetorical. It’s a lesson worth learning. Be still and know that I am God. Way harder than it looks. As humans, we seem much more comfortable being as busy as possible than waiting on God. He does pretty awesome things through people who wait on Him. I definitely want to be one of His people, someone that others look at and think, woah. She’s totally on fire. She’s tearing it up. God is in that chick.
Today He is teaching me that prayer works, and diligence works. That He rewards hard work, blesses people that pray, and gives the faithful more to be faithful with. Whatever that looks like. I’m not sure I know, looking at my life. It’s more like I’ve been stripped down, more and more, until I’m naked and broken and feeling as though the top layer of my skin has been peeled off. I feel exposed.
But maybe that’s what God needs to do. Like Eustace, having the scales of the dragon ripped off, layer by painful layer, until all that’s left is the new skin of the boy he truly was meant to be, from the book Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It’s my favorite Narnia book because of his story. Maybe I identify with him a bit? Perhaps.
God has given me so many dreams. Sometimes I feel like a jack of all trades, but master of none. But that doesn’t matter. Because God is master of all. He has given me a lot of gifts, and I feel a responsibility to use them. What can I do? Baby steps. Hard work and baby steps.
And goals. More on goals later.