Category Archives: PCOS

What is up with all of this….yawn…what was I talking about?

Where am I?  How much time just passed?

Did I just fall asleep?  Are my two toddlers really pulling all of the wipes out of the container and covering the entire living room floor with them?  It could be worse.  It has been worse.  Remember the pancake batter all over the kitchen floor?  That was messier.  I can fix this.  And then my eyelids droop.  I can’t keep them open.  They weigh thousands of pounds.  I battle them.  I sit up so I can stay awake.

Then….I’m laying on the couch, snuggled under a blanket that I’m pretty sure my three year old covered me up with.  Because I fell asleep again.  This time ten minutes passed.  Last time it was almost thirty minutes.

I drink 32oz of coffee over the course of two hours.  I eat a protein packed lunch, no white sugar, some fruit, lots of good fats (I heart COCONUT!).  This should make me feel satisfied, belly happy, and full of energy for the rest of the day.  At least now I can manage to keep my eyes open, right?  But it is still a battle.  Why is it so hard?  As I write this, a part of me wonders if I’m even making sense.

What is happening to me?  This is the result of kids being up in the night?  That can’t be it….that’s been my life for over three years.  I don’t think I’ve slept a whole night through in probably closer to four, if you count my first pregnancy, but I usually end up getting a pretty good amount of sleep .  It can’t be a matter of sleep.  But I could sleep for days.  I want to.  More than anything.

Just a few more hours.

Do all moms feel like this?  Like nothing gets done?  In between things getting done, that nothing is getting done?  Guilty for not doing enough?  Guilty for feeling lazy, fatiqued, tired?  For yelling at the kids?  Not teaching them enough?  Using tv too much?  Just so tired?

It’s not all the time.  But when it happens, it feels like it has always been like this and always will be.  That my life with be taking care of toddlers and being tired forever and ever, because it has been forever and ever.  And yet I know the things you could tell me.  The encouraging things.

And I know God is there, with me, loving on me and blessing me.  I love my kids and I’m glad to be a huge part of their life and development.

I’m just so tired.

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A planned day of epic fails (and other random life happenings).

What is going on today.

Today is JD’s and my nine year anniversary, and we have decided to completely indulge in the crappiest of food.  Two reasons for this.  1) to get it out of our system…a last hoorah of sorts.  2) to kind of make ourselves feel the food.  To feel that it is not good for our bodies and that it doesn’t make us feel well.  We are having a favorite dinner casserole from the past, we had pizza for lunch.  Pepperoni with tons of cheese.  Yum.  Cinnamon roll with coffee for breakfast…probably my favorite part!  And cookies for dessert tonight.  I’m a huge fan of cookies.  I really love them.  I love packaged cookies, bakery cookies, making cookies.  When I make them they are dairy free, sometimes egg free, and made with much less sugar and whole wheat flour.  Of course, none of that will be happening after this weekend.  Monday we are starting the Whole30 program, and we are very committed to being successful with it.  Might be blogging a lot more to vent about it…I KNOW it is going to be very hard for me.  I am the worst one of our family….so addicted to sugar.  It happened slowly, from around June or July till now.  But I just binge on it sometimes.

I can probably just blame everything on a condition.

I also have found out that a condition of mine has a symptom of feeling hungry all the time, no matter how much you eat.  This happens to me about one week a month.  And no, this isn’t normal pms or something.  I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and it affects hormones and insulin production.  I’ve also been diagnosed with insulin resistance in the past.  I was on medication when I had C, and since then I haven’t needed any.  And I don’t want any.  But I know that if I continue my eating habits, I could get back into feeling lethargic, fatigued, hungry all the time, and depressed.  I can control it with my lifestyle, and I don’t want to be on diabetic medication just to control it if it isn’t actually necessary.  I definitely don’t want to get diabetes.  Just another motivating factor here!

On the running front.

Running and eating well put me back into a good healthy cycle, I could feel the difference it made.  Since I fell on my butt again last week, I can’t run right now, and it is so frustrating.  But at the same time, it gives me a chance to just focus on healthy eating first and foremost, and I should get the chance to get back into running before winter hits.  I’m hoping I either somehow love running in the cold (which I don’t think is good for asthma but if I am in shape it might not be an issue?) or can find an indoor track in Omaha somewhere to run through the winter.  I don’t want to stop and wait.  How frustrating!  JD did say that he used to have a rowing machine…hoping that is still around.  I could stand to do that instead of run if I had to.  And, just throwing it out there, the best thing of all would be to swim…..oh I wish I could afford the cost and the time it takes to swim everyday.  I love it so much.  But alas, you do what you can with what you have.

T minus 3 days and counting….

This weekend we are going camping.  Partly as a celebration of our anniversary and because we had the chance to get away from the kids, and partly because camping is awesome.  A lot of my cousins will be there and we always have a lot of fun.  My family is fabulous.  So that is one of the reasons we are waiting until Monday to start our thirty days of awesome/hellish eating fun times.  Our last hoorah will include probably alcohol, awesome camp food, and smores galore.  And just so you know, we aren’t doing this to lose weight, although we are looking forward to that side effect.  We want to be healthy.  With our random health issues, we truly believe that nutrition is the key to being healthy in most situations, and that we have that completely in our control.  Check out HAES for more on that.  I’ll go into that more sometime, probably as we get into the program, because I will need to remind myself (ha) and it is really good information for, you know, human kind.