Enough

Oh there’s that word again.  Enough.

Am I enough for God?  Am I enough for the plans He has for me?  Can I be stretched that far without breaking?

Is He enough for me?  Well, the answer to that question is obvious.

For I know the plans you have for me, to prosper me and not harm me.  To give me a hope and a future.  Jesus is my hope and future.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  All things.

I am more than enough.  I am His daughter, a child of the King, a lover of His heart.  I’ve fought doggedly to get where I am, I’ve gone through hell to get where I am.  To know Him more, to find out what relationship with God means, to fight for more and more and more, and I know it’s nothing compared to what He has done for me.

So why do I still struggle so much with who I am?  With the mistakes I’ve made in the past?

Why do I feel like they are right behind me, nipping at my heels?  Why do I feel such shame when I think of them?  Why do they define me?

The mistakes I’ve made have been washed clean, but there are still earthly traces left that remind me.  That I feel like I haven’t dealt with right.  I start to get trapped in that place where I’m feeling guilty and shameful.  Where I am living in this legalistic rut, and I can’t climb out on my own because my arms aren’t strong enough, and God is no where to be seen.

But He is there, trying to show me the way out.  I’m blinded by my feelings, my thoughts, my self-righteousness.

Instead, I choose to trust Him.  I choose to believe that when He forgave my sins, He forgave them all.  He gave me freedom from them, and no matter what is happening on this earth, I will NOT be conformed to the pattern of this world.  I’m made for bigger and better things!  I am made new, I am something entirely different than I was before!

I choose life in Christ over despair.  I choose it!  After all, He chose me first!

Somehow, it’s easy to see who I am in Christ right now, to see how I am made new.  But there are parts of me that remember the mistakes I’ve made, and I feel like I will never be able to shake them.  It’s a strange thing.  Like feeling judged for those things, even though who is judging me?  Just me.  Just me, judging myself because I think I should have lived up to a higher standard when I didn’t understand what grace was.

It doesn’t make sense.  And it’s not from Christ.

So I shake those shackles free.  I give it up.  Lord, I give it up!  I refuse to live a life in bondage, when He has already paid for every bit of debt I’ve ever owed and ever will.  Christ died and paid it, and then defeated it once and for all!  No more!  No more will I live feeling like I’m constantly doing something wrong.  The Lord will guide my steps, He will alert me when there’s trouble, when something needs my attention.  All I need is to trust Him with everything.  My King gave me deliverance from those patterns of behavior and the bondage I have felt.

Lord, I choose freedom!  I choose to love wholeheartedly, to live in the adventurous unknown of radical obedience and radical love.  I choose everything You have for me.  I am more than enough, chosen, royalty and an heir to the Kingdom.  And You, Lord, You fulfill not just every need, but You go further, and You delight in giving me the desires of my heart.  How good and faithful You are!  How good and faithful!